I grew up attending non-liturgical churches. So when I participate in a liturgical service it is an enigma to me. While there is something that draws me to it, something mystical, almost magical, I am more so repelled by its distance, a cold aloofness that seems foreign for the God I love.
Even though things are spelled out with unmistakable precision, I feel only vague pretense. The liturgy serves to keep me from connecting with God; I am unable to engage with him and the community that is happening around me.
I could lament, “But, I don’t get anything out of it.” While that might be true, it misses the point. I wonder if simply being there is what’s important; perhaps trying to engage is the goal.
I think God is honored by my presence and with my efforts, so maybe that’s enough – for now.
Perhaps when I grow up I will eventually understand, but until then I will persist because it’s not about me and what I get out of it – it’s about God and what he gets from it.