Tag: family

Reflecting on Church #3: Pain is Real; Handle it Honestly

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date April 30, 2020
2 Comments on Reflecting on Church #3: Pain is Real; Handle it Honestly

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #3.

This church set a fine example in how they confronted tragedy in an honest way. I’m encouraged to see the church function as a church should, grieving together and supporting each other.

In the days after our visit, I prayed for this congregation, their pastor, and the family in the midst of heartbreak.

On a personal level, I wanted to return to experience a normal service, but after a while, I realized this wasn’t necessary. I’d already seen them for who they are, not from a typical Sunday but from a remarkable one.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

Their character emerged out of calamity, shining as a bright beacon of hope, pointing us to God.

My memories of this church are bittersweet and the lesson they modeled is profound. More churches need to deal with pain in a forthright manner, not glossing over it, ignoring it, or wallowing in it, but by being real.

[See my reflections about Church #1, Church #2, or Church #4.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags 52 Churches, community, family, reflecting on church

Personal Posts

An Engaging Situation

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date April 14, 2020

Candy and I have two children; she reminds me that she always wanted four. Years ago, her wish had come true. No, we were not expecting—get that thought out of your mind right now. And we were not adopting, either.

We were doing this the easy way: our kids were getting married!

Laura and Chris got engaged spring of 2007 and a summer wedding was in the works. Dan popped the question; Kelli said, “Yes.” Neither of these betrothals was unexpected and we couldn’t be happier.

As I shared the news of Laura’s engagement to those who didn’t know Chris, I often received curious queries:

“What do you think?” they asked with careful caution. “I think it’s great,” this beaming dad replied.

“Well, do you like him?” they probed a bit deeper. “Most definitely,” declared the father of the bride.

“So, then you’re okay with this?” They’re becoming assured, but sought confirmation. “They’re a great match,” I testified, “and I couldn’t be happier.”

Now, with another engagement in the works, I expected the same sort of questions from those who don’t know Kelli. Happily, my answers will be the same.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, Sacred-Secular Divide

Personal Posts

The Box

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date March 20, 2020

Several years ago, Chris, our soon to be in son-in-law (at that time), was quietly amused by many of the things that he witnessed in our home. A prime source for his merriment was our flexible usage of the word “box.”

In our vernacular, box can be virtually any device that is electronic in nature:

The answering machine was the box.
The garage door opener was the box.
The VCR was the box.
The DVD player was the box.
The DVR (digital video recorder) was the box.
Each of our 5 remotes was the box. (We needed all 5, because the universal remote was actually only semi-universal.)

I want to give full and deserving credit to my wife for initiating and propagating this simple, yet curious naming custom. Yet, to be sure, I had easily and unknowingly adopted her minimalist identification convention.

Strangely, there was seldom any confusion as to which particular box is being referenced at a given time or situation.

Sometimes, my bride was able to skillfully use “the box” twice in the same sentence, but referencing two different entities, as in:

“I need the box (universal remote) if I am to turn on the box (DVR).”

Yet with all of our boxes, we seem to get along just fine—and give Chris a reason to smile.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, Sacred-Secular Divide

Visiting Churches

Anticipating a New Minister (Visiting Church #43)

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date February 13, 2020
4 Comments on Anticipating a New Minister (Visiting Church #43)

We walk into the church and receive an engaging welcome, as two greeters celebrate our presence. “If you’d only come in a couple weeks,” they playfully jest, “you’d be able to meet our new minister.”

They’re most excited about her arrival, anxious for her time as their shepherd to begin. I tease that we could leave and come back later.

They assume I’m joking, but to be safe, they urge us to stay today—and then come back in two weeks.

We head into the sanctuary and soon another member approaches. After greeting and exchanging names, he shares with enthusiasm that in a couple weeks their new minister will arrive. He oozes excitement, unable to contain his glee.

As more conversations unfold, we learn their new leader is a recent seminary grad and this will be her first church. She’s in her late twenties. Even before her arrival, she’s pumping fresh life into this mostly older congregation.

Her ordination occurred yesterday, but in order to fulfill an existing commitment, it will be a couple more weeks before she can actually join them.

Today’s guest speaker celebrates yesterday’s ordination and the impending arrival of their new minister. Before we leave, several more people reiterate this news. There’s a collective anticipation over her arrival.

This church welcomes us well: before the service, after the service, and during the official greeting time within the service.

They excel at this and are among the best we’ve encountered on our journey. But my key impression is the anticipation they have for their new minister.

I pray for their success; may all go well. Perhaps when our journey is over, we can make a return visit.

[Read about Church #42 and Church #44, start at the beginning of our journey, or learn more about Church #43.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags 52 Churches, family, minister, pray

Personal Posts

No Power Means No Heat

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date February 7, 2020

I remember years ago, I was wrapping things up and ready to start a blog entry when the power went out. This was peculiar as there were no storms and it was not windy—the two prime reasons for us to lose power.

Our power outages were usually a few seconds to a couple of minutes, so I kept working for a while (I had a small UPS for my computer). When power wasn’t restored quickly, I began an orderly shutdown.

Once I turned the monitors off, I was in the dark. By the time I felt my way to the main floor, my bride had found and turned on a battery powered-lantern.

We used it as a reading lamp for a couple of hours, hoping for the quick return of electricity. Alas, it did not happen.

Although we had gas heat, electricity is required for the thermostat to function, to ignite the pilot, and to power the blower fan. No power means no heat.

The weather forecast was for a low of zero (it actually hit 5 below), so I knew that a prolonged outage, would mean a cold house.

I piled more blankets on the bed, put on extra clothes, including a hoody, and climbed in bed. Snuggled up in my cocoon, I pulled the hood over my head, with only my face exposed. It reminded me of camping out as a kid.

My thoughts returned to those good times and I happily drifted off to sleep.

My sleep was short-lived as the power was restored a half-hour later. I got up and did a cursory check to make sure things were okay—and to turn off the couple of lights whose switches we had mistakenly left on when we lost power.

I also checked the temperature. In the two and a half hours without power, the temperature had dropped 5 degrees. At that rate, had power remained off, it would have been quite cold by morning.

Thankfully, the power did come back, saving us from that experience.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, Sacred-Secular Divide, work

Personal Posts

Checkmate

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date January 28, 2020

Years ago my son Dan was on spring break from college and challenged me to a game of chess. Although I hadn’t played in several years, I readily accepted. It had been a while for Dan, too, so I figured we would be equally rusty.

After making a series of errors in the first game, I realized two things: I was not as patient a player as I used to be and Dan was much more thorough and thoughtful; he was making excellent moves.

I lost the first game—and then two more. I didn’t ever recall losing three games in a row.

With increased resolve and a commitment to focus, I started the fourth game strong. But after establishing a superior position, my play became haphazard and I dug myself into a hole.

Its conclusion would have produced exciting commentary for chess aficionados, but I will spare you the details.

In short, Dan offered an intriguing gambit and I went for it. Though he played his endgame without fault, somehow I emerged victoriously. Garnering one win out of four, however, was not the outcome I expected.

Though I hate to lose, I am proud of how well Dan played. His academic focus on his engineering studies had served him well, developing his mental acuity and increasing his logical thinking. I am so pleased.

I, on the other hand, was dismayed at my difficulty in concentrating and propensity for the quick versus quality moves.

The culprit, I fear, is years of trying to multitask (which is really only an illusion). Now, when I try to stop multitasking, I can’t.

Rarely can I concentrate on a single chore without spurious thoughts impeding my focus.

And my chess game is among the victims.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, health, Sacred-Secular Divide

Personal Posts

In the Mood!

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date January 14, 2020

When my daughter was in college, there were all manner of dorm rules and restrictions.

Some made sense (such as “no candles or open flames”), while others were quizzically arbitrary (as in “all Christmas decorations must be down before you check out for Christmas break”).

I’m not sure if my daughter found a loophole or if an acceptable workaround had already been established. Nevertheless, Christmas lights were deemed to be acceptable outside the holiday season if they were rechristened as “mood lighting.”

In an otherwise darkened room, the string of Christmas lights, oh, I mean “mood” lights did indeed set a warm and cozy mood. Even from the outside, their cheery glow beckoned to all, that this room was special.

At home, we have no such rules. Candles are enjoyed and appreciated. The same goes for Christmas decorations.

I’m not sure why, but invariably we put up our decorations late and take them down late, enjoying them long after others have restored their homes to a “normal ”state.

In the morning, I arise before my wife and make sure the Christmas tree lights are on for her when she gets up. Likewise, if she is out late, the Christmas tree lights are on to greet her when she arrives home.

The lights set a nice mood in our household, a warm and cozy mood.

Even still, it’s about time for the tree to come down, but perhaps we can keep the “mood” lights.

Maybe if we draped them over the refrigerator…

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, holiday, Sacred-Secular Divide

Bible Insights

Do We Have a Positive Influence on Others or a Negative One?

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date December 3, 2019
2 Comments on Do We Have a Positive Influence on Others or a Negative One?

The Evil Queen, Her Good-Bad Grandson, and the Influential Priest

In today’s passage we read about Queen Athaliah, her grandson Joash, and the priest Jehoiada. Here’s their story.

The Evil Queen Athaliah

Athaliah’s son Ahaziah is King. As with most mothers, she influences her son. But she doesn’t have a positive impact on him. Instead she encourages him to do what’s wrong, to behave badly. He does.

When he’s executed, Athaliah takes control. She kills the royal family, which includes her children and grandchildren. Then she sets herself up as Queen, with no one in the royal bloodline to challenge her. She rules for six years.

The Boy King Joash Who Starts Out Good and Ends Badly

However, one baby escapes her purge, her grandson Joash. He’s secreted away by his aunt, Jehosheba, who’s married to the priest Jehoiada. Together they protect baby Joash.

When he’s seven, they orchestrate a coup against Athaliah and kill her. Then they make Joash King. He does what God says is right. He’s a good king—at least at first.

The Godly Priest Jehoiada Who Influences the King

Since Joash was rescued by Jehosheba and kept safe by her and Jehoiada, Joash likely views them as parental figures. It turns out that Jehoiada must have influenced the king greatly.

But instead of being a negative influence like Athaliah was on her son, Jehoiada is a positive influence on Joash.

But then Jehoiada dies, and without his godly influence, King Joash becomes unmoored. He turns wicked, changing from a good king to a bad one. His life and legacy don’t end well.

Be a Positive Influence

In this story we have Queen Athaliah who influences her son to ignore God and embrace evil. We also have Jehoiada who has a positive influence on King Joash, but when Jehoiada dies, Joash waivers and does evil.

May we have a positive influence on others. And may we seek to surround ourselves with those who have a positive influence on us.

[Read through the Bible with us this year. Today’s reading is 2 Chronicles 22-24, and today’s post is on 2 Chronicles 22:3-4.]

Learn about other biblical women in Women of the Bible, available in e-book, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, priest, sin

Personal Posts

Happy Thanksgiving!

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date November 28, 2019

I’m thankful for family, friends, and faith.

I’m thankful for food, clothing, and shelter.

Everything else is a bonus—and I’m thankful for that too!

May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, holiday, Sacred-Secular Divide, Thanksgiving

Personal Posts

Thoughts About Moving

Do You Leave Home or Take it With You?

It was 2014 when my wife and I were selling our house. It wasn’t our plan, but things change.

We had just finished updating most of it: new roof, furnace, windows, carpet, flooring, kitchen, and bathrooms. It was a three-year effort that methodically moved from one project to the next as our budget allowed.

We planned to live the rest of our lives on that house, the place where we raised our kids and the setting of many happy memories.

So, why then we moved? The answer is simple: family. Our son and his wife live about an hour away. It was hard not to be closer to them; the pull was strong.

Then our daughter and her husband, along with our grandson, moved, ending up a few miles from her brother. The draw was inescapable.

My wife and I discussed that. Then we asked what our kids thought. They liked the idea, but one instituted a ten-mile buffer, but then reduced it to five, which eventually disappeared.

Our daughter-in-law liked the idea of us living next door, where their kids could walk to grandpa and grandma.

She grew up with that and so did I. Alas, we would not be that close, but we would be within seven miles of each of our kids’ homes.

Now, as we were planning and packing, I recall the things that happened there: the happy times, the struggles we overcame, the celebrations, the milestones, and the friends who visited.

But these memories do not reside in this house, they live in our minds.

The house stayed, but our home moved along with us.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Tags family, Sacred-Secular Divide