Categories
Visiting Churches

Reflecting on Church #40: Would You Like to Sit With Us?

Invite Church Visitors to Sit with You

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #40.

“Would you like to sit with us?” asks the young couple we meet as we head into the church facility. We’re excited for the offer and most appreciative of their thoughtful gesture.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

Yet, in only three of the 52 churches did someone ask us to sit with them. That’s less than 6 percent of the churches. It’s such an easy thing to do, requiring little effort, which left us feeling embraced each time it happened.

Most churches say they want to grow, and they make varying degrees of effort to welcome visitors. Though not everyone can be an amazing greeter, anyone can say, “Would you like to sit with us.”

This church is a friendly one. We would have felt at home even without the couple who asked us to sit with them, but their embrace heightened our experience.

Their extra effort makes so much sense, but why does it happen so infrequently? Do regular attenders not think to ask? Or have they never considered this visitor-friendly outreach?

[See my reflections about Church #39 and Church #41 or start with Church #1.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

Reflecting on Church #31: They Must Not Care About Visitors

Be the Church Where Visitors Come Back

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #31.

This church pursued excellence in their service, with the effective use of technology and the professionalism of those who led us. Their example is one worthy of imitation.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

Unfortunately, they failed in another area, a much more important one. They don’t seem to care about church visitors.

They were one of the most unfriendly churches we visited. Aside from a greeter, who talked to us when we arrived and when we left, no one else interacted with us at any time, in any way: not one conversation, no eye contact, not even a smile.

They gave us a nice performance, but ignored us as individuals, allowing us to remain all alone in a room full of people.

When visiting a church, I don’t expect members to fawn over me or celebrate my attendance, but I do expect some will acknowledge my presence.

It felt like being invited to a party and the host snubbing me. Maybe that was the problem. We weren’t invited. We just showed up.

While the service was so well done that I want to come back, the people were so distant that I can’t bear to return.

[See my reflections about Church #30 and Church #32 or start with Church #1.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

Reflecting on Church #16: If Only They Were a Friendly Church

Interaction With Others at Church

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #16.

There were so many things this church did right, so many things I liked about it. Yet one problem overshadowed all of that. They were not a friendly church.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

Aside from interacting with another couple (who were also visitors), one greeter, and the two pastors, no one else of the hundreds of people present talked to us.

There was no interaction before the service, nothing during the service, and none after the service ended.

I couldn’t even make eye contact with anyone to show I was open for conversation.

Afterward I scanned the auditorium for someone who looked approachable, but I couldn’t find anybody. They just looked past me or perhaps through me as if I wasn’t there.

Most people just left, as if they’d watched a movie and it was time to go home. For those who did tarry, they focused on their friends, ignoring all others.

For all its positive elements, this church was unfriendly. I left feeling isolated and alone. They were not a friendly church. There is no call to return.

[See my reflections about Church #15 and Church #17 or start with Church #1.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

Reflecting on Church #2: Size is the Enemy of Friendly

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #2.

Visiting this church, a newer, accessible, nondenominational gathering, was as easy as Church #1 was challenging. Here, there were no awkward situations or outdated practices. We felt comfortable and at home.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

Usually, the larger the church, the less friendly. This church is above average in size but was still welcoming. In fact, they were the largest church we visited that was also friendly, not one or two people, not just the greeters and staff, but everyone.

Even though many people weren’t sure if we were visitors or not, they excelled at reaching out.

[See my reflections about Church #1 and Church #3]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

Reflecting on Church #1: Awkward Church

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I have the benefit of time to more fully reflect on the complete experience, starting with Church #1.

Every week, it was hard for me to walk into a new church, but the first time was the hardest. Although terrified, I had a good attitude.

Because of my positive outlook, I called it “a friendly church with a homey feel” and even admitted I could make it my church home—if I had to.

That was correct. And I must remember that most of the people there were really nice.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

However, two things stand out as among the most awkward church of our entire journey.

First, being cornered by a hard-to-understand man, who recounted the diseases and deaths of his parents a few decades ago, was the most painful ordeal of the year.

No one at the church made any effort to rescue us from his unfiltered monologue.

As my face tried to smile, my insides screamed Will this ever end?

Second, asking “first time visitors” to raise their hands with only seventeen people present was another awkward church moment. Again, with a weak smile, I squirmed under the unwanted attention. Get me out of here!

Though this practice may have a place in a church of a couple hundred, it’s nonsense for a small church where the visitors are obvious. I often share this experience as a humorous example of what not to do.

[See my reflections about Church #2.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

A Simple Gesture (Visiting Church #32)

We ascend the steps of the church, and a gregarious woman approaches. She’s wearing a white vestment, and I spy a clerical collar underneath. We’ve never been received so cordially.

She thanks us for visiting and asks if we’re familiar with the Episcopal Church. We say no. She smiles broadly, “Here’s what I’m going to do.”

She quickly scans the sanctuary. “Our services can be hard to follow if you’re not used to them, so I’m going to seat you by someone who can guide you.”

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

She introduces us to a couple our age and explains the situation. I sit next to the husband, and he’s eager to help.

The choir starts our service, and he cues me on the liturgy as we bounce between two books, often in quick succession. Plus, we sing one song from the bulletin.

The priest also provides verbal cues when possible. My new friend takes his assignment seriously and performs it admirably.

The simple gesture touches me. It makes so much sense, but no one’s ever done this for us before.

After a short message is the Holy Eucharist. Open to all, the priest thoroughly explains the process. When we go up, if we just want to receive a blessing, we cross our arms over our chest and she will bless us.

To partake in the Eucharist we receive the bread (and it really is bread, not a cracker). Then we proceed to the wine, where we can dip the bread or drink from the cup. Most dip their bread and so do we.

Though we’re growing to understand liturgical services, they’re still daunting. Having someone to guide us is most helpful and much appreciated.

The service ends. I sincerely thank our guide for his assistance; today was good.

[Read about Church #31 and Church #33, start at the beginning of our journey, or learn more about Church #32.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

Growing Deeper (Visiting Church #2)

This Sunday we visit a nondenominational church. It’s three years old and I know a bit about it and its pastor, who I perceive as a mostly postmodern guy possessing a modern theology. I suspect the church will mirror that.

Located in a small strip mall, I find a parking spot near the door. Only afterwards do I realize they leave the prime spaces for visitors. A man greets us warmly and we walk inside. The facility is inviting and accommodating.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

There are scores of people milling about. All are engaged in conversation, so we take a seat.

Intended as retail space, the rectangular room is narrow and three to four times as deep.

The focal point is the side of the room, allowing everyone to sit relatively near the action. Smartly decorated walls, give way to two flat-screen displays. A wooden cross stands nearby.

Spiritual Growth is More Important Then Numeric Growth

The place fills up and the service begins. The pastor welcomes everyone and points out the church’s guiding goal is to grow deeper, not wider. This is significant; spiritual growth is more important than numeric growth.

The worship team has two on electric guitar, one on bass, a keyboard, drum kit, and a cello; three musicians also sing. There are no songbooks, with words displayed overhead. I estimate 170 present.

The people are dressed casually; jeans and t-shirts abound while ties and dresses are absent. It’s a younger crowd. The feeling is one of excitement and life.

There is a break in the singing for “connection time,” an informal opportunity to mingle, get a coffee refill, or grab another doughnut. There are many people to talk to.

The pastor is an insightful Bible teacher. After the message, they serve communion. It’s open to all who acknowledge a saving faith in Jesus, so we happily participate, with the bread and juice passed in quick succession.

After a closing prayer, the service ends; there’s no offering. There are more people to talk to. It’s clear no one knows if we’re first-timers and some question if we’re visitors. We could have even been unknowingly talking to other visitors.

We drop off our guest card and head home. Two and a half hours have elapsed. Time passes quickly when in the company of winsome people and an embracing community. This is as church should be.

[Read about Church #1 and Church #3, go to the beginning, or learn more about Church #2.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

A Friendly Church with a Homey Feel (Visiting Church #1)

The first of fifty-two churches is a small Baptist-affiliated assembly. With forty or so normally in attendance, this Sunday has only seventeen.

The service is not unlike churches my wife attended in her youth, so she feels comfortable and is familiar with their format even though it now feels quite dated.

The people are friendly and—despite a bit of awkwardness when the pastor asks “first-time visitors” to raise their hands—I feel a contentment, a peace perhaps best attributed to God’s presence.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

There’s nothing remarkable about the service—a few old-time hymns with piano accompaniment, sharing prayer requests, an offering, a message, and a low-key alter call—but the people make the difference.

They’re comfortable with each other, liking and accepting one another.

There’s no pretense in their actions or words, just nice folks who are real. It’s like family, good family, albeit an eclectic one.

The hour and a half service is mostly preaching, with reoccurring themes of Jesus, faith, and heaven. Our future in heaven is also a theme of several of the hymns.

Afterwards, the people linger to chat; no one rushes out. Though our stomachs tell us it’s past time to eat, we tarry as well. Many sincerely thank us for visiting and invite us to come again but do so without being pushy.

They’re a friendly church with a homey feel.

[Read about Church #2, go to the beginning of our journey, or learn more about Church #1.]

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Visiting Churches

Are Visitors Welcome at Your Church?

Embrace Those Who Are Checking Out Your Church

For the past several months, a roadside sign at a church proclaims “Visitors Welcome.” This amuses me. Isn’t that assumed? Doesn’t every church want to grow? I’ve never been to a church that had a “no visitors” policy.

Why does this church need to advertise their desire for visitors?

My first thought is that their sign is a poor attempt at marketing. My second is that they may be trying to overcome a negative reputation.

Another idea is that they want people to notice their church because the building is set off the road a bit.

52 Churches: A Yearlong Journey Encountering God, His Church, and Our Common Faith

Other churches have signs that talk about how friendly they are. They should let their actions speak for them. If they feel a need to claim that they’re friendly, they probably aren’t.

Friends once visited a church that maintained, “You will never find a friendlier church.” They didn’t go back. Marketers know not to make such statements; it’s called an “unsubstantiated claim.” I call it lying.

To all these churches: Stop talking about how welcoming and friendly you are. Start acting like it.

In doing research for my books, my wife and I visited over eighty churches. None of them said, “You’re not welcome here,” but too many acted that way.

We’ve been to churches where no one talked to us, no one greeted us at the door, no one even smiled or nodded. It’s as if we didn’t exist; we were invisible.

Other places had only one or two welcoming folks out of hundreds, but sometimes one nice person is enough to make a difference.

Other churches excelled in their welcome. They greeted us before the service, affirmed us during it, and embraced us afterwards.

Sometimes we stuck around for an hour or more after its conclusion because they were such gracious folks who received us so well.

Church is about community. If it wasn’t, we could stay home and worship God in our recliner. Great churches provide a welcoming, friendly atmosphere.

They are winsome and inviting. Visitors are welcome—and the church’s actions remove the need to talk about it.

My wife and I visited a different Christian Church every Sunday for a year. This is our story. Get your copy of 52 Churches today, available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Categories
Bible Insights

What Does it Mean to Greet One Another With a Holy Kiss?

Many churches have a time of greeting at some point in their service. This can range from awkward to inviting.

At some of these churches people merely shake hands and mumble a rote greeting. Folks at other congregations actually make eye contact and smile as they greet one another. And at a few places, a meaningful connection begins.

One of the 52 churches we visited carried this to an extreme. The minister told us to “greet one another with a holy kiss.” It was a bit creepy, marking one of my more uncomfortable moments that year.

Fortunately, few people attended that Sunday, so the number of holy kisses we received was minimal.

I know this is biblical, with Paul mentioning it four times. But I don’t really know what it means.

Even after experiencing it, I can’t describe it, except for creepy. And Paul doesn’t explain it or offer instructions; he just says to do it. But we can infer a few things.

Church

Each time Paul mentions holy kiss, it’s in a letter to a church, so it must be just for the church community. I take this to imply that outsiders (or in our case, visitors) are not included.

Intimate

A kiss is an intimate sign of affection. Since the context is church, we might want to dismiss a holy kiss as being an act of physical intimacy, instead understanding it as spiritual intimacy.

Holy

Something sacred or hallowed.

This implies a holy kiss is a sacred act of spiritual intimacy for a church community, but I still don’t know how to do it.

[Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, and 1 Thessalonians 5:26]

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

Bogged Down Reading the Bible?

10 Essential Bible Reading Tips, from Peter DeHaan

Get the Bible Reading Tip Sheet: “10 Tips to Turn Bible Reading from Drudgery to Delight.”

​Enter your info and receive the free Bible Reading Tip Sheet and be added to Peter’s email list.