It’s Not a One-Size-Fits-All Situation
I encourage churches to do more to support the marriages of their congregants. Strong marriages are important, especially in our present culture that seems to dismiss commitment.
Though too many congregations fall short in this area, a parallel concern is addressing the needs of singles in church.
Roughly half of all married people will one day be single—either through the death of their spouse or divorce. Many churches also fail to address the needs of their single attendees.
Yet ministering to singles in church is not a simply defined situation with a solo solution that addresses every instance of singleness. Single people are not a monolithic group with the same situations, needs, and goals.
Consider the complexity of the subject.
Reasons
Some people are single and have never been married. Others are single due to the death of their spouse. A third group have been married and are divorced.
Then there is the in between state of married people who are separated.
This may be a temporary situation which will either result in them reuniting or moving further apart and divorcing. Or it may be their intent to persist in the marriage-but-separated state for the long-term.
Effectively Single
Another scenario is married people who don’t both attend church. One does and the other doesn’t. One may be active, and the other isn’t, either making an occasional appearance in distress or avoiding any involvement whatsoever.
Though they’re technically married, when it comes to church life, the spouses who attend are effectively single. They don’t fit in with other singles, yet any programming for couples doesn’t work either.
Add to this the fact that there may be children involved.
Do they participate in church with one parent or stay home with the other? How do these kids fit in when they attend with one parent when their peers attend with two. This situation, however, is also an issue for children of divorced and widowed parents.
Age
Another situation relating to singles in church is their age. This can range from 18 to 99+. Though we can learn much by interacting with people in other age demographics, most people don’t try. They focus on, and connect with, people their own age.
This is another reason why churches can’t minister to singles with a one-size-fits-all program.
Goals
The goals of single people are also varied.
Some are looking for a spouse—perhaps desperately so.
Others are equally intent to not get married. This may be because they feel called to singleness. Alternately it may be in response to a bad experience, trauma, or pain.
A middle scenario is singles who are open to marriage but not actively seeking a spouse.
As a result, some singles in church want to meet other singles, with the goal of marriage; the singles group becomes their dating pool. Others want to spend time with those who will support—and respect—them in their singleness.
Solution
Given the varied reasons for singleness, along with the age range and diverse goals of singles in church, it’s apparent that one ministry initiative is not enough.
In fact, a solitary approach risks failing to meet the needs of everyone, serving to further isolate and irritate singles in church. There’s also the possibility that any outreach to singles will alienate married couples and families.
Consider a countercultural solution.
Instead of further dividing programing to address increasingly narrow slices of the church population, let’s stop further segregating ourselves.
Let’s seek holistic programming that addresses all adults, regardless of setting, circumstances, or goals. This will be a diverse group. And that will be good—providing we’ll accept it.
Some of our most impactful interactions can come from others who aren’t like us. We just need to be in a situation to hear and receive their insights.
That means married people can learn from singles and singles can learn from married folk. It also means traditional families can learn from partial families and broken families and vice versa. After all, we’re all broken people.
We’ll all be together in heaven. Let’s get ready for that now, and church is a great place to start.
Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront a status quo faith and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.
Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.
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