Selfless versus Selfish
When asked, “What is the opposite of love,” most people immediately say “hate.” Indeed the two words are antonyms for the other. The dictionary confirms this, and the Bible supports it.
Yet there’s another answer worthy of consideration: selfishness. Selfishness is also the opposite of love.
From a worldly perspective, the opposite of love is hate. But from a spiritual standpoint, we’ll do well to consider the opposite of love as selfishness.
Love versus Hate in the Old Testament
There are a lot of verses in Scripture that contain both the words love and hate, with hate often contrasted to love.
The first example that comes to mind is the tragic account of Amnon after he rapes his half-sister Tamar. The Bible says that his love for her turned to an even more intense hate (2 Samuel 13:15).
Citing Malachi 1:2-3, Paul confirms that God loved Jacob and hated Esau (Romans 9:13). Though we commonly think of God as loving everyone, there seems to be exceptions.
In Ecclesiastes, Solomon muses that everything has a season, including a time to love and a time to hate (Ecclesiastes 3:8). But we might be wrong to assume the King’s intellectual wanderings condone hatred toward another.
Love and Hate in the New Testament
Contrast Solomon’s writing to Jesus’s teaching. Indeed, our Savior says that though we’re commanded to love our neighbors (Leviticus 19:18), that doesn’t give us permission to hate our enemies—as some may assume.
Instead, we should love those who oppose us and pray for them (Matthew 5:43-44). We are to do good to those who hate us (Luke 6:27-28).
Jesus also says we can’t serve two masters. If we try we’ll hate one and love the other (Luke 16:13). Though the context of this verse is about trying to serve both God and money, the concept applies to whenever we attempt to pursue dual allegiances.
In a third teaching about love and hate, Jesus says that anyone who loves his life will lose it. In contrast anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternity (John 12:25).
The Opposite of Love is Selfishness
From a common perspective we see that hate is the opposite of love. Many passages in the Bible support this. Yet we will do well to move beyond this basic understanding of love and hate to consider a more convicting contrast: The opposite of love is selfishness.
When asked to identify the greatest commandment, Jesus said it is to fully love God with all our being—that is, with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
A close second is to love all others as much as we love ourselves. These are the greatest two commandments of all (Mark 12:29-31). When we do these, we effectively cover everything else.
Though we would never do the opposite of loving God by hating him, we may sometimes fall short of loving him in totality with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The root of this is selfishness.
Out of our selfishness we may elevate what we want over what he wants. We may put other pursuits ahead of pursuing the God we claim to love. And we may attempt to serve two masters. But that never works. Jesus says so; it’s impossible.
Godly Love
Consider Paul’s insightful definition of Godly love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8):
- Love is patient and kind.
- Love doesn’t envy or boast.
- Love is not prideful.
- Love honors others.
- Love isn’t self-seeking or easily angered.
- Love doesn’t keep track of hurts or slights.
- Love celebrates truth and laments evil.
- Love protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres—in all things, all the time.
- Love never fails.
To not do these things is selfish. It’s being self-centered.
- Selfishness doesn’t care about being patient and kind to others.
- Selfishness promotes oneself.
- Selfishness elevates pride.
- Selfishness honors oneself.
- Selfishness seeks self-interest and fails to keep anger in check.
- Selfishness keeps a list of times when others have wronged them or caused disappointment.
- Selfishness doesn’t care about godly truth and celebrates what our Lord opposes.
- Selfishness doesn’t bother to protect or trust others; it lacks godly hope and doesn’t strive to persevere.
- Selfishness always fails to address the needs of others.
Selfless Love
Love is selfless. The opposite of love is selfish.
Let us love God and love others without a hint of selfishness.
Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront a status quo faith and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.
Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.
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