Tag: family

I remember when my wife and I have lived with our son and daughter-in-law, it’s been a great experience for us and a wonderful time connecting with our kids in a deeper, more meaningful way.

After only eight weeks, we’ve gone through three phases:

1. The Honeymoon Phase

For the first few weeks, everything went smooth, dare I say perfect. Our sharing of one house, of melding two couples used to living by themselves into one family unit, flowed forth like a dream.

We shared household duties and melded our schedules with ease. Eating together, going for walks, and having deep discussions all unfolded naturally. It was bliss.

2. The Adjustment Phase

Eventually, a few cracks appeared. We began to expose our quirks and saw each other’s foibles. Whereas we once only saw one another’s strengths, now weaknesses poked through.

We began adjusting what we did, how we did it, and when we did it for the sake of unity.

Though we all made small sacrifices for one another since the first day, now we began to realize it. Just as living as a couple requires flexibility, even more so does living as an extended family.

3. The Settling Down Phase

While we continued to make adjustments, we were settling into a comfortable, peaceful co-existence. It’s not perfect, as in the honeymoon phase, but it is really great.

A stable arrangement has emerged; this is sustainable, and it is good.

A Wonderful Opportunity

My wife and I view this as a great adventure, a time to connect more deeply with our kids and learn from each other. Though we expect that to be a five-month living arrangement, a friend of mine did the same thing for five years.

For her, when the parents moved on, there was a great sense of loss. I expect the same emotion. Though would it be good when my wife and I move on and resume living as one couple, I wonder if what we give up will be more profound.

In today’s modern society we celebrate individualism; we value our freedom. What we lose in the process is the opportunity to truly live as an extended family, to influence each other and learn from one another, to fully connect.

Our affluence actually serves to isolate us. Living as an extended family, whether by choice or circumstance, offers the opportunity to live more fully in community.

If we can embrace this opportunity, we will emerge better and stronger as a result.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

When Candy and I celebrated the wedding of our daughter, Laura, to our new son, Chris, it was a wonderful day that we had been building up to with increasing anticipation and focus.

1. Are you Nervous?

In the weeks and days leading up to the nuptials, I was surprised by the number of people who asked if I was nervous. It struck me as a strange question.

My part in the ceremony was minimal. With great pride and joy I would escort Laura down the aisle—with all eyes on her—and then say four words: “Her mother and I.” On a personal level, there wasn’t much for me to be nervous about.

If their questions implied a deeper significance, no one bothered to clarify. Even so, most were surprised when I shook my head “no.”

2. How Do You Feel?

On the day of the festivities, I was often asked, “How do you feel?” Granted, my emotional state isn’t apparent to most people, but that question also struck me as a bit odd.

I was (and am) ecstatic for Laura and Chris’s marriage, excited about the journey they are beginning, delighted at the opportunities they have before them, and most proud of the union that has begun.

Their wedding was an affirmation to the work of their respective parents for the prior twenty plus years and a pleasant reminder that despite a few parenting deficiencies along the way, the end result is two mature adults ready to start a life of their own.

For me to feel anything less is incomprehensible.

3. How Did It Go?

A third question—and this one understandable—has been commonly voiced after the wedding: “How did it go? It was wonderful. True, a few minor elements could have gone better, but all the important things transpired as planned and without a hitch.

We were most pleased with the ceremony and the reception embodied simple elegance; guests made many positive comments about both.

A few people did make remarks about “losing a daughter” or Dan now being “an only child,” but that’s not how we see it—our family has grown—and we couldn’t be happier.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.

When we were first married my bride and I experienced road rage. We were headed home from work, making a detour for groceries. I drove down the area’s busiest street, full of rush hour traffic, and attempted to pull into the left turn lane.

Due to various reasons, I made a couple of partial forays into it, only to return to the lane for regular traffic. This infuriated the driver behind me, who began vehemently sounding his disapproval through the liberal use of his truck’s horn.

Once we were fully into the left turn lane, he began to roar past us when my spitfire of a wife stuck out her tongue. This sent him into a full fury. He screeched to a halt in the middle of rush hour, opening his truck door hard into the side of our vehicle.

He ran around our car and challenged me to a fistfight in the middle of the road. Talk about road rage.

Being of sound mind, I stayed in my car. This irritated him even more. He stepped towards the driver’s door and cocked his arm. Just then, oncoming traffic cleared and I gunned the engine as he swung his fist towards my window.

But due to the car’s acceleration, he ended up shattering the rear window instead, spraying glass throughout the car. He then returned to his truck to give chase.

We drove around the store’s parking lot, playing cat and mouse between the rows of cars. Eventually, I was able to maneuver to the front door, letting my bride escape and summon police.

She was sure she was going to become a widow.

I figured I could continue playing “keep away” until the police arrived—or I ran out of gas.

Fortunately, I was too cagey for him and he soon gave up the chase. One witness got this license plate number and a bored cabby followed for a while to make sure he wasn’t coming back.

The police ran the plates; the truck’s owner had a history with the police and was well known to them. They arrived at his home to find his right hand wrapped in a bloodied bandage.

He confessed to the whole thing and admitted he was aiming for my head when he swung his fist.

He was later found guilty and required to pay court costs and make restitution.

I’m glad he wasn’t carrying a gun, or this road rage story could have had a different outcome.

Do you like this post? Want to read more? Check out Peter’s book, Bridging the Sacred-Secular Divide: Discovering the Spirituality of Every Day Life, available wherever books are sold.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

Read more in his books, blog, and weekly email updates.