Christian Living

Where Have the Good Men Gone?

Men Flounder When They Lack Godly Examples to Follow

I recently blogged about a felt need I have for a spiritual role model. Although I presently lack one, I have had them in the past. Almost all have been female. That’s not a complaint just an observation.

I’m thankful for these women who have guided me and inspired me, setting an example in how to live as Jesus in today’s society. But where are the guys?

Christian men fall into two extremes. On one end we have the over-the-top adventurer, the adrenaline junkies, delayed adolescence, machismo to the max, men who act like boys, and the fast and furious.

We see this manifest in the size, speed, power, and cost of their toys, an unhealthy preoccupation with sports, and their man caves. This is not God-honoring masculinity as he created men to be.

This is irresponsibility and selfishness. And society has made them this way.

On the other side we see emasculated males. This is graphic but true. They are passive in most all things, especially when it comes to spirituality and family. They fear reproach, persist in political correctness, and are quiet when they should speak out.

They put on false smiles when their insides are dying. They dare not talk about their struggles, their worries, and their pains. These men yearn for a respect that eludes them—because their actions don’t deserve it. And the church has made them this way.

So here I am, stuck in the middle, avoiding the first extreme while striving not to get sucked into the second. If only I had someone to show me the way.

I have no solutions to share, but I do have a call to action.


I urge you to avoid both extremes, to seek this middle ground of balancing the world’s macho view with the church’s impotent alternative in order to find a biblical, godly center of maleness.


Encourage the men in your life to pursue what God is calling them to become. Then don’t interfere. Though nagging and manipulation are an understandable response to inaction, these tactics won’t help and will only worsen the situation. Be part of the solution.

Together we can figure this out. The world needs us to.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

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