For the past several months, a roadside sign at a church proclaims “Visitors Welcome.” This amuses me. Isn’t that assumed? Doesn’t every church want to grow? I’ve never been to a church that had a “no visitors” policy. Why does this church need to advertise their desire for visitors?

My first thought is that their sign is a poor attempt at marketing. My second is that they may be trying to overcome a negative reputation. Another idea is that they want people to notice their church because the building is set off the road a bit.

Other churches have signs that talk about how friendly they are. They should let their actions speak for them. If they feel a need to claim that they’re friendly, they probably aren’t. Friends once visited a church that maintained, “You will never find a friendlier church.” They didn’t go back. Marketers know not to make such statements; it’s called an “unsubstantiated claim.” I call it lying.

To all these churches: Stop talking about how welcoming and friendly you are. Start acting like it. In doing research for my books, my wife and I visited over eighty churches. None of them said, “You’re not welcome here,” but too many acted that way.

We’ve been to churches where no one talked to us, no one greeted us at the door, no one even smiled or nodded. It’s as if we didn’t exist; we were invisible. Other places had only one or two welcoming folks out of hundreds, but sometimes one nice person is enough to make a difference.

Other churches excelled in their welcome. They greeted us before the service, affirmed us during it, and embraced us afterwards. Sometimes we stuck around for an hour or more after its conclusion because they were such gracious folks who received us so well.

Church is about community. If it wasn’t, we could stay home and worship God in our recliner. Great churches provide a welcoming, friendly atmosphere. They are winsome and inviting. Visitors are welcome – and the church’s actions remove the need to talk about it.

Are visitors truly welcomed at your church? What can you do to make your church more friendly?

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #45.

The church had two services: one traditional and the other contemporary. However, the style of the service was not the most important distinction. The contrast between the attendees was; it was most disconcerting.

Although the age difference was the most noticeable, it wasn’t the most significant. The people at the first service were friendly and outgoing, whereas at the second service, they were not. I felt connection with the first group but not the second, as if they merely showed up to put in their time, treating church as a passive, solitary experience. I’m not against quiet introspection (assuming that’s what they were doing), but I think worshiping God in community is a higher intent.

I liked the style of the second service best, but I liked the people at the first service more. Too bad I couldn’t experience both at the same time

[See my reflections about Church #44 and Church #46 or start with Church #1.]

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #40.

“Would You Like to Sit With Us?” asks the young couple we meet as we head into the church facility. We’re excited for the offer and most appreciative of their thoughtful gesture.

Yet, in only three of the 52 churches did someone ask us to sit with them. That’s less than 6 percent of the churches. It’s such an easy thing to do, requiring little effort, which left us feeling embraced each time it happened.

Most churches say they want to grow, and they make varying degrees of effort to welcome visitors. Though not everyone can be an amazing greeter, anyone can say, “Would you like to sit with us.”

This church is a friendly one. We would have felt at home even without the couple who asked us to sit with them, but their embrace heightened our experience. Their extra effort makes so much sense, but why does it happen so infrequently?

[See my reflections about Church #39 and Church #41 or start with Church #1.]

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #31.

This church pursued excellence in their service, with the effective use of technology and the professionalism of those who led us. Their example is one worthy of imitation. Unfortunately, they failed in another area, a much more important one.

They were one of the most unfriendly churches we visited. Aside from a greeter, who talked to us when we arrived and when we left, no one else interacted with us at any time, in any way: not one conversation, no eye contact, not even a smile. They gave us a nice performance, but ignored us as individuals, allowing us to remain all alone in a room full of people.

When visiting a church, I don’t expect members to fawn over me or celebrate my attendance, but I do expect some will acknowledge my presence. It felt like being invited to a party and the host snubbing me. Maybe that was the problem. We weren’t invited; we just showed up.

While the service was so well done that I want to come back, the people were so distant that I can’t bear to return.

[See my reflections about Church #30 and Church #32 or start with Church #1.]

Reflecting on Church #16: If Only They Were Friendly

With our journey of visiting fifty-two churches over, I can reflect more on the complete experience. Today, I’ll add to my thoughts about Church #16.

There were so many things this church did right, so many things I liked about it. Yet one problem overshadowed all of that.

Aside from interacting with another couple (who were also visitors), one greeter, and the two pastors, no one else of the hundreds of people present talked to us: not before, not during, and not after. I couldn’t even make eye contact with anyone to show I was open for conversation. Afterwards, I scanned the auditorium for someone who looked approachable, but I couldn’t find anybody. Most people just left, as if they’d watched a movie and it was time to go home. For those who did tarry, they focused on their friends.

For all its positive elements, this church was unfriendly. I left feeling isolated and alone.

[See my reflections about Church #15 and Church #17 or start with Church #1.]