Tag: church attendance

Church Community is Key: Seek Connection At All Costs

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date August 14, 2016

If Church Doesn’t Provide Meaningful Connection, Then You Need to Fix It or Find a Different Church

Despite being the most connected generation, Millennials are also reportedly the loneliest. It seems their massive number of online friends and followers offer them only superficial relationships that lack meaningful interaction.

They crave connections with others that touches them at a significant level, but social media falls short in accomplishing this deep heartfelt need.

That’s why “hanging out with friends” seems to be their favorite, most desired activity.

I think that’s what church is all about. Or at least that’s what it should be all about.

The early church spent time together. We need to reclaim this, not just for the Millennials, but for our own wellbeing, too.

But hanging out doesn’t mean passive pew sitting, staring at the back of people’s heads for an hour. True community can’t occur when listening to the Sunday lecture that we call a sermon.

Meaningful connection with each other doesn’t happen during the concert-like atmosphere we label as worship, where a couple of skilled musicians attempt to lead a largely unresponsive throng in singing.

And don’t get me started on the disingenuous greeting time wedged into the middle of a service: it is too long for the socially challenged and too short for meaningful interaction.

This opportunity for true, meaningful community does not take place during the church service; it occurs after the benediction. When the final “amen” is uttered the clock-watchers flee, and a few people hang out to talk. Every church has a few of these folks.

Though they may be the social butterflies, they may also be the ones who understand why we are supposed to not give up meeting together (Hebrews 10:25). They seek profound community.

Although this time of hanging out could reside on the surface, talking about safe (and meaningless) topics, such as the weather, the game, or the Sunday dinner menu, the wise people focus on discussions that matter.

We listen to each other on the heart level. We minister to and serve one another, we pray and are prayed for, and we encourage and are encouraged.

When we do this, we prepare ourselves and our church community for the week ahead so that we can go out into our greater community and be Jesus to them.

True church community is the key to make this happen. Don’t let the official church service get in the way.

Peter DeHaan writes about biblical Christianity to confront status quo religion and live a life that matters. He seeks a fresh approach to following Jesus through the lens of Scripture, without the baggage of made-up traditions and meaningless practices.

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Tags church, church attendance, church services, community, early church

Christian Living

Church Is For Girls

The Modern Church Is Geared Toward Women and Men Don’t Fit

I have known the title for this post for a long time. In my heart I knew it was true, but I struggled to articulate why. Now I can.

I read David Murrow’s book Why Men Hate Going to Church hoping to understand why I struggle so with church attendance. Though it’s no one’s fault (and yet we are all complicit), the Christian church is a place where women thrive and men die.

In most all that it does—from décor, to language, to programs, to music, to sermons—today’s church provides what women crave, while offering little that appeals to men. The church says to guys, “Check your testosterone at the door.”

This explains why women make up the majority of church attendees. In going to more than one hundred churches, I’ve never been to one with more males than females.

That’s because church is for girls. It really is. If you don’t believe me read Why Men Hate Going to Church. (The book also explains how to fix it.)

Clearly, the church repels the Wild at Heart guys. Yet, I’m not a wild at heart kind of guy, at least not in a conventional sense. I assert my masculinity in non-stereotypical ways. I see myself as a spiritually militant misfit:

I am an advocate who pushes the envelope for change, yet the church is adverse to change. There is no place for my voice.
I am a thought leader who pursues innovation, yet the church wants lay leaders it can control. It doesn’t want me.
I am a person who challenges the status quo, yet the church institution exists to maintain the status quo and suppress dissension. It fears what I represent.
I am a spiritual seeker who probes issues that most don’t consider, yet the church hates questions that lack pat answers. It shuns me because I am spiritually impertinent.
I am a follower of Jesus who yearns to take spiritual risks, yet the church wants to be a safe place that doesn’t confront the unexamined theology of its members. My risk-taking perspective isn’t wanted.

I once actually found a church that encouraged me in these things. It was a church plant.

We made change normal, pursued innovation, constantly challenged the status quo, encouraged questions, and embraced risk. In many ways we followed The Barbarian Way, and I thrived.

Incidentally, David Murrow says the one instance where men find a place is in church plants. I get that. I was alive at this new church.

Yet over time, decision by decision, the church became civilized. It instituted structure and limited me. It became more and more like the thing it sought to break free from.

I no longer fit. I slowly withered. I didn’t want to go to church there anymore.

“The church has emasculated me,” I told my wife. (That hurt me to say.)

“But you let it,” she answered. (That hurt me to hear.)

“It’s only because I so badly wanted to fit in and be accepted.” (That hurt me to admit.)

But in the end, I don’t so much like this person I’ve become, and the church still doesn’t want me.

After all, church is geared for girls, and I’m a guy.

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Tags church, church attendance, church baggage

Christian Living

Sunday is a Great Day For Some Recreation

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date July 3, 2016

Having a Regular Sabbath Provides an Opportunity to Rest and Recharge

The dictionary defines recreation as a time of refreshment for our mind or body through the use of an activity that amuses or stimulates; an activity that provides refreshment. More simply, recreation is to play.

After working hard for the workweek, people seek recreation on the weekend, and with Saturday often packed with more work, that leaves Sunday as the only day left for recreation.

Many people pack Sunday full of recreation, so much that they return to work on Monday exhausted. Doesn’t that defeat the goal of recreation?

Or consider recreation another way. Synonyms for recreation include regeneration, rebirth, restoration, and leisure. Does that provide a bit more insight into what our Sunday recreation might look like?

What if we insert a hyphen into the word to get re-creation? Then we can see our Sundays as a day to re-create ourselves. We do this by resting, refocusing, and recharging.

Yet none of these things happen when I go to church on Sunday. In fact, I view my chance for much needed Sunday recreation as what happens after I go to church. I delay my weekly recreation until after I fulfill my weekly obligation to attend a worship service.

Thankfully our practices have changed from two Sunday services down to one, leaving only one requirement to interrupt my recreation.

I can envision Jesus shaking his head in dismay, wondering if I’ve forgotten his words: “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath,” Mark 2:27, NIV.

Indeed I have forgotten, or at least I need frequent reminders.

We need to stop pursuing our Sunday church attendance with legalistic furor and start re-envisioning our worship services as a time of holy recreation. God does not expect us to serve the Sabbath but for the Sabbath to serve us.

Now we just need to figure out how to do that.

May today be a day of holy recreation for you.

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Tags church, church attendance, church services

Christian Living

Church is a Verb or at Least it Should Be

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date February 21, 2016

Stop Thinking of Church as a Place You Attend but as Actions to Pursue

Yes, I know that linguistically church is not a verb. A verb indicates action; it shows movement. Church falls in the noun category, specifically a place. Places don’t move. They have no action. They don’t do anything.

Most places, in and of themselves, are boring. It’s what we do there that makes it interesting—or not. Likewise when we attend church, it’s what we do there that makes it interesting—or not.

So when we sit passively in our pews, sans action, church becomes a rather uninteresting place. The operative word is boring.

As a kid I often complained that church was boring, but I thought I would one day move past that—when I grew up. I guess I never grew up because I still think church is boring.

So church, at least the church service, becomes something I strive to endure.

It’s not that I don’t like God. I do. It’s the church service I don’t care for—or at least what we’ve wrongly turned church into.

To fix this we need to start thinking and acting as if church is a verb:

Go to Church

Going to church is an action, but sitting down once we get there prepares us for inaction. Something’s wrong.

I go to church to spend time engaged with others, not staring at the back of their heads or expecting a select few to entertain me from the stage. I want to interact with other followers of Jesus: talking, listening, praying, and caring.

This is true community. When I go to church I seek meaningful community. If not I might as well stay home, where I can at least access better sermons and music online.

We go to church to be part of an active community.

Do Church

A popular sentiment among many forward-thinking believers is “doing church.” I get that. They desire to move past passive sitting and replace it with active engagement.

Though we can sometimes do this, at least a bit, when we sing to God, it’s quite challenging to accomplish during the lecture part of the service.

Instead of passive inaction when we attend church, we need to do things. We need activity to chase away the boring and make church worthwhile.

We do church to interact with other followers of Jesus.

Be Church

The third church action is being, as in to be the face and hands of Jesus to others. Jesus said he didn’t come to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28).

We should do the same. We help, we reach out, and we love—just as Jesus modeled for us to do.

When we become the church we serve others, just like Jesus.

While “go to church” and “do church” have an inward focus, “be church” has an outward emphasis. It suggests giving to others outside of our community.

We give our money to the world around us; we use our time to help the people near us.

This is how we best model what Jesus did—and we don’t even need to attend a church service to do it.

Church is a verb.

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Tags church attendance, church services

Christian Living

Should You Go to Church Today?

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date November 19, 2015

Despite the rain on Halloween we had a steady flow of trick-or-treaters. The next day, Sunday, the rain stopped and the sun shone in the cloudless sky.

Unseasonably warm, it promised to be a nice day. With a few extra minutes before church, I when to retrieve the weekly paper in our paper box.

A neighbor girl was out riding her bike. She’s about four and likes to ride. She’s also a talkative tyke and not at all shy around adults.

We see each other, and I wave. “Good morning.”

She smiles. “Hi!”

“It’s a really nice day for a bike ride.”

“We haven’t gone to church in a long time.” She says this matter-of-factly without any prompting on my part. Although we’ve talked many times, we seldom have a dialogue.

“Maybe you can go next week.” I try to sound hopeful.

She cuts me off. “I like to go to church.”

I start to repeat myself, but she interrupts me at “Maybe.”

“We’re just too busy on the weekends.” These are not the words of a four-year old. She’s surely repeating one of her parent’s explanations, complete with voice inflections on the right words for emphasis.

I nod. Should I try to say my line one more time? I inhale but don’t get any further.

She perks up a bit. “This afternoon we’re going to a birthday party!”

“That sounds like fun.”

“Yesterday we went to a pumpkin party. We got lost in the corn.”

“Wow!” I try to be animated. “Was it fun?” Our conversation goes downhill from there. She continues jabbering as I retrieve the paper. “Have a great day,” I say with a wave and a smile as I head back to the house.

“Okay.” With a big grin, she turns and rides away.

I pray she’ll get to go to church again soon.

I understand busy weekends. I can appreciate the pressure of continuous action and ongoing opportunities that our society throws at us with relentless persistence.

I can comprehend that many church services pale when compared to the allure of parties or dim next to the demand of house and yardwork. Sometimes a couple extra hours of sleep seems like the best choice for a Sunday morning.

I also know it won’t be long before she doesn’t want to go to church anymore or concludes it’s not important. She’s at a prime age to learn about God and be enthralled by stories from the Bible. Soon she won’t care.

Before her parents know what happens there will be boys and boyfriends, a part time job, and the mobility of a driver’s license.

She’ll forget about God and stop thinking about church. Her parents will shake their heads over her lack of faith and wonder what went wrong.

Maybe I just have an overactive imagination. In this case, I hope so. Maybe she will grow up to believe in God anyway. I pray that she will.

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Tags church attendance

Christian Living

Is Going to Church a Spiritual Discipline?

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date November 8, 2015
2 Comments on Is Going to Church a Spiritual Discipline?

Two weeks ago I wrote that a spiritual discipline is something we do to draw closer to God or to honor him. To be of value we need to do this willingly with joy and in anticipation.

I gave 17 possible disciplines to consider. Going to church wasn’t on the list.

Should going to church be included as a spiritual discipline? Reflect on three spiritual disciplines that touch on the practice of church attendance:

1. Community

This is simply spending time with other people who follow Jesus in order to form meaningful spiritual connections. This can happen at church on Sundays; at least it should.

Yet at too many churches community doesn’t happen at all, and for other churches the community is superficial. Plus true community can happen at times other than Sunday morning. And that community is often richer.

2. Sabbath

We treat one day a week differently than the other six. I’ve been looking at the Old Testament Law about the Sabbath.

I keep reading that it’s a day of rest. I also see that we are to keep it holy, but so far I’ve not read that we are supposed to go to church on the Sabbath.

Besides sometimes we pack our Sabbaths so full with well-meaning spiritual activity that we end the day exhausted, not rested. I doubt this pleases God.

3. Worship

A third spiritual discipline that could relate to Sunday morning church attendance is worship.

Yes, we can worship God at church on Sunday mornings; we should worship him there. But we can also worship him on other days, at other times, and in other places.

I go to church on Sundays in expectation of community, and sometimes I worship God while I’m there, but I don’t find it restful.

I do go in hopes of drawing closer to God and to honor him, so I meet the first two parts of this being a church discipline, but the willingness factor is often missing, while the attitudes of joy and anticipation are things I must strive to conjure up.

I pray for all three of these mindsets each Sunday morning.

I suppose that going to church on Sunday mornings emerges as a spiritual discipline for some people. That might explain why I attend, but as spiritual disciplines go, I do a poor job at it.

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Tags church attendance, community, spiritual discipline, worship

Christian Living

Why Do I Love God and Hate Theology?

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date October 18, 2015

A simple definition of theology is studying God. Since I love God so much and love reading about him in the Bible you’d think I’d love theology, too. Right? Well I don’t.

Learning about God and contemplating him through his word excites me. I look forward to it every day. Yet theology leaves me cold.

Start explaining the essential elements of a particular theological perspective and my eyes will glaze over. I’ll either get angry or yawn. Why is this?

Theologians Make God Boring

It’s understandable. Theologians are academics, and if anyone can squeeze the life out of something it’s academia.

While working on my PhD I took a class on C. S. Lewis. I was so excited—until I read the syllabus. Though we would read one book Lewis wrote, the majority of the class would focus on books other people wrote about Lewis.

Instead of reading Lewis we would read people who had read Lewis. While we could have studied Lewis firsthand, the professor inserted a degree of separation, and we studied Lewis secondhand.

Theologians do the same thing. They insert a degree of separation between us and God. While we can read God’s word directly, they effectively insert a middleman who interprets the Bible for us.

This made sense 500 years ago when no one had a copy of the Bible and most people couldn’t read anyway. But now we have our own copies of the Bible, and we can read it ourselves. So why do we need someone else to explain it? We don’t.

Yet I will go to church today and listen to someone explain the Bible.

Something’s wrong with this. It dates back to the middle ages when illiterate, uneducated people filled the pews. Things are different today. We can read and think for ourselves. We don’t need someone else to do it for us.

Why can’t we cut out the middleman and learn about God through his word, without a theologian or preacher who forces the Bible’s words to fit into a particular theological package?

I love God. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t stick my neck out to encourage everyone to remove all human filters and read about him firsthand.

Read the Bible. Cut out the middleman. Let’s start a revolution.

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Tags C. S. Lewis, church attendance, minister, read the Bible

Christian Living

The Importance of Being in Community

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date March 15, 2015

The Myth of Self-Sufficiency

The ideal in the United States is personal self-sufficiency. But this is a myth, an unattainable pursuit that will eventually leave us broken or alone—or both.

John Donne understood this. He said “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.” We need others; we need community.

God knows this, too.

God Lives in Community

The Father with the Son, the Son with the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit with the Father. We call this the Trinity, God as three in one. Though we don’t fully understand how one entity can be three, we accept it. It is community at its finest.

God Created Us to Be in Community

In community with him and in community with others.

One of the descriptions of community from the Bible tells us to encourage each other to love and help people and “not give up meeting together.”

While a quick reaction to the phrase “meeting together” implies going to church, this is an oversimplification.

Although meeting together can happen at church (though it’s not guaranteed), these times of meeting together can also happen in homes, at work, in coffee shops and restaurants, and even when we play.

When done with purpose, our meeting together can produce meaningful community, the community God created us for, the community we need to thrive and be complete.

May we pursue community with great intention; may we embrace it as God’s plan for us.

[Hebrews 10:24-25]

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Tags church attendance, community, Heavenly Father, Holy Spirit, Jesus

Christian Living

Do You Really Want Your Church To Grow?

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date January 18, 2015

Most people who go to church say they want their church to grow. However, they usually have an unstated assumption: they want the new people to be just like them. Although understandable, this is also wrong.

Unfortunately, the only place to find more people like them is at another church. In essence, they want to grow their church at the expense of another.

This is a zero-sum game, where the overall church doesn’t get bigger but merely shuffles people between locations.

To truly grow our churches we need to find people who are not like us. But are we truly ready for what that entails? Consider what these folks might look like:

A homeless man staggers in. He hasn’t bathed in days. The odor is so intense no one can stand near him; his clothes are so dirty you don’t even want him to sit down. All his possessions are stuffed into an even dirtier backpack. And when he gets a whiff of the communion wine, he starts acting squirrely.
A young single mom marches in with four children in tow. They don’t look alike, and you learn each child has a different last name. The kids are okay, but none of them wear the “proper clothes” or know the “right way to behave” in church. Overall, they are a disruption.
Two guys saunter in. They’re holding hands and wearing wedding bands; they refer to each other as “my husband.”

How would your church react? Would you welcome these folks, extend the love of Jesus, and refuse to judge? Would your church see these visitors as an answer to prayer or a problem to deal with?

If your church did embrace them, you could grow by eight people. And once they knew your church was a safe place, they’d tell their friends, and you could grow even more.

Over time, your church would look less like you and more like them. Jesus would be thrilled, but what about you?

If this is what real church growth looks like, do you really want your church to grow?

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Tags church, church attendance

Christian Living

Why Don’t You Go To Church?

Post author By Peter DeHaan
Post date June 29, 2014
2 Comments on Why Don’t You Go To Church?

Examine Your Reasons for Staying Home on Sunday

Last Sunday I asked the question, Why do you go to church? Today, I ask the opposite question to everyone else: Why don’t you go to church?

Though I’m not in this group, I’ve talked to many who are. They have multiple reasons, some of them good, some of them warranted. Here’s what they say:

I don’t get anything out of it. (In our Western-world culture we approach church with a consumer mindset, looking to get something. What if we went with the goal to give something, be it to God or someone else?)
It’s boring. (The true wording is “I’m bored by it.” The reality is we choose to be bored or seek to be engaged. However, this is far easier to do at some churches than others.)
No one talks to me. (Yeah, this can happen, but we greatly increase the odds of conversation if we’re approachable. Even better, initiate the conversation.)
It’s full of hypocrites. (In one way or another, aren’t we all?)
They don’t talk enough about _____. (Maybe that’s because we’re preoccupied with a certain topic, perspective, or issue; seek balance.)
They talk too much about _____. (Maybe they’re out of balance. Or Perhaps God’s trying to convict you of something.)
All they do is ask for money. (Some churches do a lot of that, too much, in fact. People who go often learn to tune it out, but it can really make visitors squirm. I’m sorry.)
I don’t like the minister. (Yeah, personalities can get in the way, just like in all aspects of life.)
I don’t like the messages. (There may be a reason. Is God trying to tell you something?)
I don’t like their style of music. (Personally I don’t like the music at most churches, but going for entertainment is the wrong reason; sometimes music connects us with God, and sometimes we need to push through the music.)
It’s superficial, full of phony people putting on a false front. (Yes, there are poseurs in our world, including church; just make sure you’re not one of them.)
I’m too busy. (We make time for what matters.)
I don’t experience God’s presence there. (Whose fault is that, the church’s or yours?)

I understand what they’re saying and agree with much of it. Yet I persist in going.

For all its limitations, church is worth the effort.

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Tags church attendance, church baggage